Bloody Hell!
by xlingling
Summary: Bloody hell… And she couldn’t be more right. Asking someone else to do your mother's job? Someone who happens to be a guy? What? Read and find out! Please Review too! Updated!
1. Cranberry?

A/N: This is roughly based on a true story! My friend's parents' story to be exact, unfortunately, she refuses to reveal her name! But if this sounds familiar, it's really coincidental. I don't own anything and this is my disclaimer throughout the whole fic.

**Bloody Hell**

Part 1: Cranberry?

* * *

_Bloody hell… _And she couldn't be more right.

The pinkette, Sakura Haruno, intently scanned over the Team 7 with piercing jade eyes. She needed to choose the right person to do the job, but who to choose? The right person would have to be someone mature!

_Team Seven, mature? Believe it! NOT! _Sakura mentally punched herself. _Be careful, Sakura…you're beginning to sound like Naruto. _

Believe it or not, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke and Naruto were over at her house. They haven't had missions during the past week and had run out of things to do. Even collecting dust bunnies, staring at empty space, reading perverted books and sleeping were already scratched off the 'to do' list. On the other hand, everything was fine.

…Right. Until the word came in mind…buckle up, it had gone downhill from here.

The time of the month came. Every girl knew it but Sakura just purely forgot. She had gotten her period and had run out of pads. Actually, she just woke up from her stupid nap and felt wet.

The Uchiha prince turned at the cherry blossom as he held an opened CD case. At least he had something to do and nothing to worry about. Yawning, a blonde sat up from the couch and slowly made his way—

"Too much cranberry juice…"

"DAMN!" Gasping, she shut the door closed with a thunderous slam. Who to choose?

Rigid, Sakura stood inside her bathroom and her eyes transfixed into a doomed glare. Blood had soaked her pants and tinted her red robe over them with the darker shade of crimson. She stared at the mirror several times; her eyes bulging wide, her shoulders slumped... blood on her pants. _This can't be happening..._ Sakura thought deeply.

Well, she could try to run out of the house in the speed of light and get into the store, buy the damn things and run home.

But what about her guests? They'd be nosy enough to follow her. And then find out! Plus, she can't leave them, her mother would kill her.

All hell would break loose.

Suddenly, it just got a little worse.

Knocking on the door, there echoed a yell, "Sakura-chan! Let me in! I have to go!"

That voice she knew all too well. It was the damn blonde. Naruto.

Outside, Naruto held a tight grip on his pants. His navy blue eyes bubbling in tears and whimpering like a wounded dog.

'Why now?' Sakura bit her lip and looked around frantically. She can't let anyone in! Slowly opening the door, Sakura smiled sheepishly and swallowed. "Just a minute…Naruto…"

"AARRRGGHHH!" she screeched after she had shut the door close on Naruto's face. She leaned at the door, now sweat forming on her forehead. Looking around, she saw her window but it was too small to climb through! Transforming as one of the boys and going into the store wasn't an option moreover! _Transforming as Ino wouldn't be so bad either…if she wasn't so ugly!_ Sakura thought.

* * *

Kakashi-sensei sat on the couch, his uncovered eye focused onto the text on his book. Hearing the entire clamour between the two, he inwardly groaned. 'Why me?' he glanced at the blonde ninja then at the wooden door. The silver-haired man fleeted a delirious Sasuke a glance. Sighing in defeat, Kakashi-sensei rose from his seat and approached the door. Why does he have to be their _babysitter_?

"Sakura, is there something wrong?" Kakashi asked as he too knocked on the door.

The blonde screeched again, "HURRY IT UP, WILL YA SAKURA!"

A heated yell came from inside, "SHUT UP NARUTO! IT'S MY BATHROOM!"

"**OH YEAH! WELL, NATURE CALLS ME TO BE IN THERE!"** Naruto retorted.

The raven-haired ninja laid upside down on the single seat nearby, listening to one of Sakura's CDs. Who knew she liked hard core metal? His eyes were closed, trying to relax in an awkward position. He had just finished listening on the first song when he heard the growing commotion. Opening one eye, he pressed the stop button. He removed the headset from his ears with a scowl. Can't a guy relax?

"What is that noise about?" yelled he, still on the couch.

"Sakura won't let me in the washroom!" Naruto complained almost near tears.

"It's her bathroom," Sasuke snorted, getting his head back up.

"But I need to GO! She's just in there! Not doing anything!"

"I NEED SOME PRIVACY!" her annoyed screech came from inside. "How the hell would you know, idiot?"

"I NEED TO PEE!"

With that, he slowly strolled to them both. Kakashi's eye was set on his book, yet again.

"Hmph. Have you bothered knocking on the door?" he asked with an eyebrow up.

"Yes."

"Then move over," he said with a bored expression on his face.

* * *

_Oh shit…_ Sakura sweatdropped. _I have to think of something quick._

* * *

His eyes sneered into glare and soon, with one blink, his onyx eyes turned blazing red with three dots. His Sharingan was activated. But then, he couldn't see past the door for some reason…

"I can't see…damn it," he cursed. He had just remembered that only Byakugan users can see through objects and see what a person was doing on the side. But he did see Sakura's chakra.

The blonde couldn't help but yell, "What! YOU BLIND IDIOT!" He couldn't help it but slap the back of Sasuke's head.

* * *

'Gotta keep the hidden genjutsu up!' cold sweat began to form on her back as the heat slowly suffocated her in the bathroom. Or was she just blushing?

* * *

"Sakura," he knocked gently on the door. "Open up..."

Kakashi-sensei and Naruto exchanged looks. This was going to work like a charm now, with Sasuke now talking to the cherry blossom. Everyone knew she couldn't resist Sasuke's bidding, whether to jump off a cliff or kill herself, she would be willing to do everything he wished.

"I...can't!" Sakura replied, her face turning red as the ripest cherry.

Naruto gasped, "Why the hell not?"

"Because!"

Naruto's eyes bulged as he dropped to the floor. "SAKURAAA! JUST OPEN THE DAMN DOOR! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"Naruto needs to go," Sasuke said with a stoic look.

"...I know that," she laughed anxiously.

"Sakura, this isn't funny," Kakashi-sensei now spoke in a serious tone. "Please open the door."

"NO!"

"Or Naruto will go on your bed!" Kakashi-sensei raised his voice.

"Oh the hell with you all," Sasuke muttered. "Stand back," and with that, he performed the hand-signs.

"What the hell are you doing, you fucking dumbass?" Naruto yelled at the Uchiha. "You'll blow up half the house, along with Sakura!"

Sakura's eyes widened as she heard Naruto's outburst of Sasuke blowing her up. And half of her house! What would her mother do to her? Not that it would matter since she'll be blown to bits along with the half of the house! Frightened, she began to step away from the door. "Sasuke, d-don't!"

Kakashi took his book and smacked it on Sasuke's head, "Listen to your teammate."

"...fine," Sasuke muttered angrily. They were the biggest party-poopers in the world right at this moment. He was going to have fun since nothing fun ever happened with this damn team. His insane brother knew better fun, aside from killing people.

"PLEASE SAKURA!" Naruto yelled, tears rolling out from his eyes.

"I CAN'T" Sakura screamed.

"Can I at least blow the door off?" Sasuke wanted to do it really badly. His hands trembled, itching to do something.

"Why not? Come on Sakura, just tell us. We won't make fun of you…" Kakashi-sensei said, getting slightly annoyed.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! SAKURA, YOU ARE COMING OUTTA THERE!" a sudden yell came from Sasuke.

"It's because... I-I-I.. have..m-my... KYAAA!" Sakura screamed as the door exploded off its hinges. Quickly, she glanced as the once said 'door' burned into ashes. The kunoichi made a grab for the long white towel hanging nearby and covered her body from her chest to her upper leg. The boys were dumbfounded at this.

"Ehh...what are you doing with a towel around you like that?"

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please read and review! 


	2. And the lucky guy is!

A/N: I am not period obsessed, I'm purely... Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews and the people who read this fic! I'm so happy, I'll cry!

* * *

Previously on Bloody Hell: 

_"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! SAKURA, YOU ARE COMING OUTTA THERE!" a sudden yell came from Sasuke._

_"It's because... I-I-I.. have..my... KYAAA!" Sakura screamed as the door exploded off its hinges. After, she watched as it burnt into ashes. Sakura made a grab for the long white towel hanging nearby and covered her body from her chest to her upper leg. The boys were dumbfounded at this. _

_"Ehh...what are you doing with a towel around you like that?" _

_

* * *

_

Part II: And the lucky guy is...

"Ahaha, silly Naruto! It's the latest fashion in Konoha!" the pink-haired teen replied with her ten megawatt smile. A sweatdrop formed on her large forehead. Sasuke suddenly thought of Ino and the rest of the women in Konoha and gagged. Naruto suddenly thought of himself in the form of his sexy jutsu and drooled. Kakashi thought...well...you know with his book.

"It's made out of cotton and really suits me well." Sakura explained, her face flushed, 'I have to get myself out of this!' Naruto nodded in awe. Kakashi smiled behind his mask, happy to see Sakura alright. But Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He wasn't very convinced.

"Oooh, it even changes into differentcolours!" Naruto awed.

Kakashi-sensei's uncovered eye widened. The white marble towel turned from…pink to red to dark crimson... Not only Naruto and Kakashi noticed, but the great Uchiha didtoo. His onyx eyes were filled with dread. 'Is that...'

'NO WAY!' From what they've learned from Sex Ed class had finally come true.

"It seems as though Sakura, has her period." Kakashi-sensei said stunned.

Naruto's eyes began to bloat as he realized that's why the white towel had changed colors. Looking down, he sighed. "I guess I don't have to use the washroom anymore."

"You should have said so earlier..." Sasuke mumbled. His onyx eyes were suddenly filled with concern.

Naruto yelled at Uchiha, "I DID!"

"I meant Sakura, you dobe."

Sakura hung her head low and slapped her forehead. For the first time, she held in her tears. "Well, I'm out of pads...and I can't go out like this. So, one of you guys will have to go and fetch some for me."

"Well one of you boys should do it," Kakashi patted both of the younger boys' backs. He was completely out of the question. Your leader can't go out buying pads for you! Even if he was your unofficial babysitter and father!

'Coward,' both boys thought in unison.

"Not meaning to be a coward or anything but I need my rest."

"No, you need more time reading your disgusting books!" Sasuke glared at him distastefully. Then back at Naruto. "Well bastard? Are you going to do it?" Sasuke cringed, he didn't want to do this at all. He would NEVER go and do a woman's job! NEVER!

The blonde laughed and pointed at his pants, "I can't go out in public like this!" He mentally screamed in anger. Sakura had to agree. Naruto would never make it to the store without turning back and running home. He was also the most immature person she had ever known. The idiot would probably tell the whole world while he was at it!

"WHAT!" Sasuke said in a long, blood-curdling yell. No, no, NO! Fuck! He couldn't believe what he was hearing from both of these losers. 'Some men they are!'

Sakura blushed and sighed, "Sasuke, can't you do it?"

Sasuke _would_ understand, he was mature after all. He didn't roll down on the floor guffawing when he found out like Naruto did. He didn't play pranks on innocent people, more importantly his friends.

"...Ehh..." Sasuke's eyes raged in horror as the words echoed in his head. "Why me?"

"Come on, Sasuke...you're not a **chicken**, are you?" Naruto teased.

"Well, I'm not the kyuubi who pissed his pants," he retorted with a sneer.

"At least I'd piss my pants knowing that I'm not a _fire-breathing_ CHICKEN!"

"I am not a chicken so fuck off, you squirrel."

"I'm a fox!"

"Wanna bet?" Sasuke shoved Naruto, "Speak for yourself, kyuubi boy. The monster-in-the-toilet thing still hasn't worn out."

Naruto squinted his eyes and transformed into his sexy jutsu, "Come on, Sasuke... pretty please?"

Sasuke turned his head in disgust and grumbled. "Get yourself away from me."

"You're a fire-breathing chicken!" Naruto made clucking sounds. Each cluck counted as minutes he had left to live, according to Sasuke's thoughts.

"Sasuke is a chicken! Sasuke is a chicken! Sasuke is a chicken!"

"You're pissing me off," Sasuke grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. Sakura dropped her head in disappointment. Sasuke didn't want to help her. Her Sasuke...

"Sasuke is a chicken! Sasuke is a chic-" Naruto's head was suddenly grabbed by Sasuke's hand. His hand wrapped tightly around his neck, into a deadening strangle. "Make clucking noises now, teme," Sasuke's red eyes were taunting him.

A sudden cry escaped her lips. "Please Sasuke!" Sakura held her stomach in pain, faking her cry. Shaking Naruto like a rubber chicken, he glanced at the girl. Oh yeah, she was in pain now.

No thanks to you Sasuke, Sasuke thought. Sasuke's thoughts battled in his head. "Fine, I'll go."

He dropped Naruto hard on the tiled floor.

"IS SAKURA DYING?" Naruto asked out loud. "KAKASHI! SHE'S DYING!" Just then, a book came flying into the room and hit Naruto's face.

"You idiot! She's going through cramps…"

Sakura just groaned as Sasuke tried to make her feel better. "Damn it..." she cursed.

Sasuke didn't know how to make feel better though! He hadn't got the slightest clue of how. No jutsu can help him now! He was not a medic either.

Crying, Sakura held her sides as she screamed.

'Aw crap,' he thought furiously, straining to pull any idea out of his mind.

"I guess... we should make a trip to the store." Naruto gulped.

Kakashi-sensei chuckled sarcastically. "You should've said that same line ten minutes ago. In fact, that's the smartest idea you've had all day. But who should we allow to go?" he continued slowly moving his head towards Sasuke.

"Hn?" he grunted like he was clueless of all this.

"He's taking about you, teme," the blonde frowned bitterly. Naruto was relieved of not doing it...might as well take advantage of Sasuke.

He placed his book down, his eyes glued to the rookie, "Well...what do you say, Sasuke? Do you accept?"

"What the hell is this? A mission?" he pulled an angry look at both men.

"Call it whatever you like, you're still doing it," the kyuubi boy smirked evilly now.

"No."

Sakura cracked one eye open.

The teacher tried to reason his and Naruto's way out of the situation, "You can't let Sakura go."

'Thanks jackass. I think I know that,' he thought wearily. Then he glanced sadly at Sakura, who looked back with her lips pulled back and her sea-foam green eyes opened wide into a pout. Still battling with his thoughts of his stupid dignity, ruined reputation, starting a new rumour and losing his fangirls, he groaned in frustration. Although, losing his fangirls was something to smile about…

"Fine," he couldn't resist Sakura's look anyway.

Holding a bag of money, Kakashi-sensei put it into Sasuke's hands and cheered. "Have fun!" he sang, as he waved.

"Dammit." Sasuke muttered as he headed out the door.

* * *

Smirking, he slammed the door after he took one last look at Sasuke. "Sakura, you can come out of there!" Kakashi-sensei called onto her student from the front door. 'How could the great Uchiha not have thought of it earlier? Tsk, tsk. It's his lost.'

Running a gloved hand through his silver locks,he silently sighed. It was almost too easy.At the moment,Naruto seemedsmarter thanSasuke. Tired, he plopped back onto the couch and yawned.

Solemn, she nodded. "Hai." Her head portruded out of the bathroom door, her cheeks flushed. "He's gone."

* * *

TBC... 

A/N: Please give the rookie a review:'(


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